As you’re recovering from your children’s Easter-induced sugar-highs, consider the ways that different faiths hold their annual Easter egg hunts.
Unitarian Universalist: There are no eggs, but kids soon realize that the true joy comes in being together on the search.
Reformed: Kids go on a search but the prizes are pre-selected by the egg hunt organizer.
Baptist: Originally there was just one egg hunt, but the egg hunt split into two different hunts over the proper color of the eggs. Then each of those split into two egg hunts became four, after a fight over whether the kids should open the eggs from the top or from the bottom. The four egg hunts now part of an ecumenical egg hunt that includes only other Baptists.
Mormon: After 2,000 years, we restored the true egg hunt. The annual event feature lots of kids, casseroles, and jello salads.
Word of Faith: Children give the organizers one egg and get ten eggs in return — if they have faith.
Amish: That’s not food coloring: the eggs are pickled.
Pagan: Geez. Why do Christians get all the credit? We came up with this celebration, too.
Seventh Day Adventist: Because egg hunts are pagan celebrations, each kid is given a bag filled with fresh fruit and granola on Friday night instead.
Lutheran: Children gather as many eggs as they can within the strict one hour time limit.
Catholic: The world’s largest egg hunt. There are disagreements among the organizers whether or not other are part of this egg hunt or if they’re excluded. Chief organizer says, “Who am I to judge?”
Anglican: It’s just like the Catholic egg hunt, just don’t call it “Catholic.”
Methodist: A perfectly respectable egg hunt. Participants consider it superior to the Baptist egg hunt, but they secretly wish it was as fancy as the Episcopalian egg hunt.
Agnostic: Maybe there are eggs to find, but don’t bother getting up on Sunday to go look for them.
Atheist: Grow up, already: There is no egg.
Jewish: Each kid gets one boiled egg with horseradish. Next year’s egg hunt will be in Jerusalem.